Over the course of the last year or so, I have altered my thinking drastically. I decided that I am no longer going to be a victim of the past. I decided that the here and now that I am living day to day was a great and wonderful Divinely Sacred Gift and that I should make the most out of the chance I have been given. With my workings with the Divine and having an open mind and faith, suddenly I have come to realize what was inside all along. People often make excuses for their thinking and not ‘going somewhere’ but the truth is, all that is needed is to look inside and discover your own soul’s magic.
For so long, I was told I was not good enough, and that I would never amount to anything and everything I said was wrong, and this all came from the ones who were to love me unconditionally and forever. After so long of this, I really believed it. Most of my teens and twenties were absolute torture and most of it was because of the head space I was in at the time. I had been convinced that all of these traits were truth. Then, one day I met someone and the illuminating experience that happened is one I will never forget and will always treasure. It was after this that I became to the realization that defining who I am was not up to anyone else. It was up to me.
I want to let people know they are not alone and that we have all had tough pasts at one point or another. Rather than give power to the days gone by, I have decided to not talk or write details from those times and, instead, to focus on the me that is in my mirror every day. I came to realize the hidden keys inside me and I found an amazing light and to this day, I still wonder how I managed to make it out on the other side when I thought I could not do it. It all comes down to the fact that if you think you can or you think you cannot, you are absolutely right! Through the years, I always felt something was not here … the ingredient missing all of this time? A belief in me. I came to the conclusion that, in order to be successful, in order to get out of the depression, and in order to make the most out of my own life, I had to stop seeking the acceptance from the outside and start looking inward. The Universe has its own way of pointing out the right way when the wrong way was chosen for so long.
The people that you surround yourself with should be a positive influence in your life in some way. If they are truly happy and content, then praise is offered when good things are accomplished, and strength is given when the other person feels weak. These people, the ones we keep closest, should not agree with you if you are putting yourself down or agree with you when you are being negative on yourself.
This has been my experience: people overall (and yes I was one of them) tend to cling to their misery for the simple reason that they have grown a certain kind of friendship with it. It is just like one of my current favorite songs says, “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.” (Somebody That I Used to Know, Gotye) And, that was very very much me for the majority of my life. I grew so very used to the sadness and misery around me that I did not know how to experience anything else.
Happiness, contentment and acceptance were all things I did not know how to accept at all. Not only that, but it was embedded in me that if you care for someone, they will always leave at some point. So, I would not get as close or let my guard down a lot because I just ‘knew’ they would disappear eventually and I did not want to experience that pain that I felt all the time growing up.
But then, Divine intervention occurred and gave me the courage to stop some destructive patterns and to clear the clutter in my life, in both areas of my life ~ the physical and the mental/emotional. And, due to the difference in what I felt, I have been able to get out of the house and go places and do things I never was able to before. I have come a very long way and the Universe has always been in control by allowing certain things that have taken place ~ all in perfect, Divine timing. For this and many other reasons, I flood the Universe with so much love and appreciation.
A final thought to leave you with a smile: You are so full of love. You are enough. You do not have to do it all. You can choose. Let it go. You are perfect the way you are. I believe in you. Love what matters.
Renee Avard resides in Texas nea rAustin with her family which includes her amazing thirteen year old autistic son, whom she home schools. She has been a writer for over 20 years, and had her first article published by 18 years old. Not only does she write, but she also is taking courses and will soon have the titles of Reiki Master and Certified Crystal Healer as well as specialties in Chakras and AKASH. She is what she considers to be an “Eclectic Spiritualist” and currently has several eBooks and a print book in the works, and writes for a number of eZines. She owns her business, StarSteps, which is a Spiritual Writing endeavor that has been a life-long dream.